How Cruel The World Is
by happyashy
Summary: A different take to JJ's reveal of her pregnancy, and her relationship with Emily. Adult themes, be warned.


This is my take on JJ's side of Lo-Fi. I got this idea of Emily's history and thought, "What if there was more of a reason why she stayed single?" Anyway, Enjoy.

A/N: Corrected some grammar and mistakes.

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><p>I could kill him for doing this. Forcing me to tell the team. He's been pushing me all week to tell them, and what's worse he knows why I didn't want to tell them. I wanted to tell her first.<p>

The only reason he showed up here, in New York, was so I'd tell the team, and her. He knew it would break her heart, like I had told him a thousand times, but he didn't care. He hated her because I am in love with her, even if I am with him. He wanted to watch the pain on her face.

When Hotch asked me what's going on, I caught a glimpse of curiosity in her eyes. But when I sighed with a fake smile, those words, "I'm pregnant." I saw the curiosity fade. And the heart break commence. There was so much pain swirling in those brown eyes, pain she would not let break threw her mask. Her wall of defence. I'm glad she had her wall at that moment, because she would have been so embarrassed if she had of broken down like I knew she wanted to. Like I knew she would when I told her on my terms.

But Will ruined that for us. He stole that intimate moment from us. I needed to feel closer to her, and she needed someone to cry to. Cry because finding out your best friend is having a baby would be heart breaking for her.

I prayed for a second alone with her, and now I finally get it. I can see it again. The immense pain in her eyes as she focuses in on my stomach. I'm so glad we have this moment alone because the tears just fall on their own accord as she whispers, "You're showing."

Will, being the man that he was, always thought that Emily would be upset that I was pregnant because that meant we'd never be together. He was wrong. We'd never be together because as much as Emily loves me, as much as she lets me in unlike anyone else, she's still straight.

"It's alright to be upset, Em." I tell her, because it is. She's upset for a reason no one but me and Garcia know.

Emily can't have kids.

The pain in her eyes is laced with regret and guilt. She feels like it's her fault. Her punishment for having an abortion, is that she can't have kids. That's what she tells us it is. But we know it's not that. It's the attack she suffered in boarding school a year later, which to this day she refuses to acknowledge. When we bring it up, she dismisses us angrily, "That never happened." But we know it did. The hospital reports and many nightmares tell us it did. No one deserved that kind of birthday present, to be raped by your art teacher. To be hurt so many times that you don't remember the amount of times it happened.

"No, it's not. I should be happy for you." She whispers, refusing to acknowledge the tears. I know where this is going to end, and it'll anger her, but it's the only way to make her see, to make the guilt go away.

"Emily, it's normal to feel sad when you're friends get pregnant when you can't. We know what happened in that school, Em; we know what he did, to you and your body. It did damage that the doctors didn't get to treat in time and you lost the ability to have kids."

"Stop it JJ." She snaps through the tears. She doesn't want me to say this, that it wasn't her fault.

"I won't stop it. I need you to acknowledge it happened. That he raped you and sodomized you and he's the reason you can't have kids. Not the abortion. Not god punishing you._ Him_. Mr. Wilbur Harry Schmitt, your sculpture art teacher. A man you trusted." She is crying without even hiding it now. She knows I'm right, but she can't accept it. It's easier to blame herself. To make it the reason why she doesn't get close to anyone. It's easier than admitting you're afraid someone will hurt you like that teacher did.

"It's my punishment Jayje. I was a slut and got pregnant-"

I interrupt her before she goes further.

"You had no other choice Emily. You mother told you to either have an abortion or leave and never come back. The baby's father ran. You had no support; you did what you had to do."

She looks up at me with the same pain, I know it'll never go away.

"I still should be happy for you." She whispers.

But she can't be happy.

Because she can't have a baby when she wants one. So much.

And I'm having a baby and I don't want it. Not even a little bit.

How cruel the world is.

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><p>I know it was short, but it is my first story!<p> 


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